The couple interview: 25 questions pros ask
A ceremony is only as good as the interview behind it. The best officiants are not better writers so much as better askers — they get the couple to hand over the specific, true material that a generic script can never fake.
Here are the questions that do that work, grouped the way a good interview flows. Send them ahead of time, let each partner answer some privately, and listen for the one small story that only these two could tell.
How they got here
Start with the story. How did you meet? What was your first impression, honestly? When did you know this was the one? What was your first date, and what do you both remember differently about it? Who said "I love you" first, and how did it go?
These questions loosen people up and surface the details you will build the ceremony around. The mismatched memories are gold — the two versions of the same night are often the truest, funniest thing you will get.
Who they are together
Now go deeper. What does a normal, unremarkable day together look like? What does your partner do that makes you laugh? What is something they do for you that they might not even notice? What have you weathered together, and what did it teach you?
Ask what they admire in each other, and what they are most looking forward to. Ask, separately, what they want to promise. The answers to these become the heart of your opening words and, often, a line in the vows.
The people and the tone
Cover the room. Who in the audience matters most, and is there anyone to acknowledge — a grandparent, someone who has passed, a child? Are there family members or friends you want in the ceremony as readers?
Then set the register. Do you want the ceremony funny, serious, or somewhere in between? Any words, jokes, or topics that are off-limits? Religious, spiritual, or entirely secular? These answers keep you from writing a beautiful ceremony that is the wrong ceremony for these two.
The practical questions that save the day
Finish with logistics that shape the script. Are you writing your own vows or would you like me to provide them? Do you want a ring exchange, a unity ritual, a reading? Roughly how long do you want the ceremony to run? How do you want to be introduced at the end?
And the one people forget: how do you both pronounce your names — including any names being changed? Getting a name wrong at the altar is the one mistake nobody forgives, and it is entirely avoidable. Note the answers straight into your ceremony so they are in front of you on the day.
How to send it, and how to listen
Send the questions in writing, ahead of time, so the couple can answer thoughtfully instead of freezing on a call. Let them answer separately where the answer is a surprise — how they knew, what they want to promise — so neither spoils the other. Give them a soft deadline a few weeks out, and a gentle nudge if it slips, because the interview is the raw material for everything you write next.
When the answers come back, read them looking for one thing: the specific, true detail only these two people could give you. The mismatched memory of the first date, the small daily kindness, the phrase one of them always says. That is the line that makes the room go quiet. You are not collecting a résumé of their relationship; you are hunting for the two or three moments that, said out loud, tell everyone exactly who these people are to each other.
Do the whole job in one place
RiteBinder is the booking desk and the writing desk in one — the interview, the script, the readings, and a podium that needs no signal on the day. Free to start.